I don't understand...

This will be a long one. For my republican friends, I am pleading with you to read it. I am not intending to bash. I've learned a lot from the last 3 presidential elections and I'm really tired of all the bashing.

I don't understand the politics of hate. I don't understand why people need to find a group to blame all the world's ills on. I don't understand why we can't all just get along.

Instead of blaming a minority group (and how are white christian men really the majority anyway) for a shortage, why isn't energy focused on eliminating the shortage? This morning I heard of a conversation about how the Mexicans were going to use up all the healthcare and all the money. Really? Mexicans are that sick?

Election night 2009. Bad news for me personally. Maine voters decide they don't want homosexuals to have the right to marry as their legislators decided. A bit of a surprise to me, but I do understand that the subject of gay marriage is a polarizing one. I'm OK with it being that way, as long as your argument isn't that it's a threat to heterosexual marriage. If your argument is a religious one, I'd have to agree that you are entitled to your religious beliefs - but I also believe strongly in the separation of church & state and believe that government should stay out of the marriage business and way out of my relationship. How would you feel if your religious beliefs were in the minority?

In my current home state of Virginia, we have elected a governor that believed strongly enough at age 34 to dedicate an entire thesis to his belief that women should not work outside the home, contraception should be illegal, and homosexuality is well, the worst thing of all. But that's thesis is 20 years old and he says some of his views have changed. Virginia's new attorney general put front & center on his web page that he led the fight for amending Virginia's Constitution not only against gay marriage, but against any contracts between people of the same sex "to which is assigned the rights, benefits, obligations, qualities, or effects of marriage." That is so important to him that he put it front and center in his campaign. The newly re-elected lieutenant governor spent $25k of his own money to write this discriminatory language into the Virginia Constitution.

Virginia's governor-elect has vowed to overturn the current governor's first executive order, which extended discrimination protection to sexual orientation. He's saying this is because it is not a governor's right to make law, but if he agreed with it, I'm guessing he wouldn't have a problem. I can't look at this as an exercise. This is my life here. I'll be looking for a new job during the governor-elect's term. Fabulous.

I only came out of the closet at work when the original Virginia House Bill 751 to write vague law discriminating against homosexuals into the code of Virginia came up. I understand that some folks have a problem with homosexuality. I understand that some folks think my love is against God's will and they probably think they're trying to save me from that (as well as saving their marriage, which I really don't understand at all), but how can a contract ensuring I can care for my partner be a bad thing.

I came out of the closet at work because I consider at least some of my co-workers friends. I figured the only way they can vote for this discriminatory law is if they don't know they have a gay friend that isn't evil and that they haven't read this very short law, because this law is not just against gay marriage. I figured lying was worse than coming out: how can we be actual friends if coworkers ask me how my weekend was and I change all the pronouns or just say "we" a lot? If I say "fine" or "great" there are more questions. If I don't answer them, I'm considered anti-social. If they really didn't already know I was gay (duh), I figured that their discrimination against homosexuals was partly my fault. They deserved to know that a friend of theirs was gay and still not hitting on them (or their children or their pets).

I didn't choose this lifestyle. I didn't choose Anita to love (ok, my Mom did), but I thank your God and mine for her love.

I wouldn't choose this lifestyle - it comes with a full load of crap & baggage - people devote their lives to the eradication of my love for Anita. I REALLY don't get that.

For those of you that read this blog and voted this slate of elected officials in, I understand that there are many other issues on the table. I recognize the weakness of the democratic gubernatorial candidate. I also believe that many of you are my friends. I like to hope that you don't believe that my love is evil or threatening in any way - that I am evil or threatening in any way - if you did, how could we be friends? I like to hope that you don't think my relationship is any threat to your marriage or your children.

I propose this as a compromise: Go one step further than voting and a lot less than asking you to believe that gay marriage is OK: please call or email your elected official and ask them not to discriminate against sexual orientation in hiring/employment. Does it really matter if your accountant is gay?

I have another proposal that no one will be happy with - right or left:

Make marriage solely a religious institution. Your church will define it any way you like and I will have no problem with it. My church may define it differently.

Make civil unions legal between consenting adults. Allow me to provide for my partner both in life and in the event of my death or incapacitation. Allow her to collect my social security benefits in the event of my death. Allow me to file one freakin' tax return instead of having to complete 2. Allow us to purchase health insurance together, etc.

Children. I believe a child raised in love is a healthy child. You may believe there is more to it than that, especially when you find out that I also believe that the rearing of a child into a responsible adult has to be at least 1/2 luck. I will never raise a child, but I've seen plenty of children raised in rage and fear and hate. Most of these that I have seen have been in a "typical" family. Some turn out OK, some don't. I am no expert.

Thanks for reading. For both sides of this issue, if you care to comment, please do so, but please maintain respect for each other. This entire entry is really just about respect.