Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Hello Gorgeous!

Is there really anything else to say? If I'm not physically committed to this race, God knows I'm financially committed. But happy.

IMTX is the perfect storm of a race for me. Flat, low wind, warm water & warm air. Perfect timing for work as I will be very flexible with my work schedule.

ProKaren taught me how to swim this week. Ok, not really, she started teaching me how to swim, but she seems just as excited as I am by the progress we made in 30 minutes.

Already doing Ironman Math. But for the first time, the answer is coming up in my favor.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Oops, I did it again

I understand this is my new ringtone, because I did, I went & did it again.

First there was "one and done" then "two and through" then "three and free". Well, there's not a whole lot that works with the word four. Right now, i'm guessing the theme will be four and poor, because this thing is going to cost a fucking fortune.

Because I did it. I bought my way into Ironman Texas 2011. Moron.

I'm now told that I need a new bike. They didn't mention this before I paid for IMTX. Crap.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Wicked 10k

This is on the MUST list for everyone who wants to run a 10k but hates to run. It cures all manner of ills. Even death.

Saturday, October 16, 2010


Anita & I have run 4 times in 2 weeks. Not far, not fast, but we've moved without benefit of a machine.

When's Ironman Texas?

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Wicked 10k

So, I guess I should start running. Or start working on my pre-race bartending skills - that worked so well for my last Va Beach race (or so I'm told).

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Dragon Boat

I'm on the board of Virginia Breast Cancer Foundation. I may be the only person on the board, living in Richmond, who has ever done an athletic activity ever. I got volunteered. Volunteered, which I am here to tell you, is ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY a word. Cuz it happened to me. Not just to be ON the Dragon Boat but to be Captain of the MFing (or should that be FMing) DB. Meaning that to make this a livable experience for me, I had to convince friends of mine to come spend their hard earned cash and spend there well-deserved weekend day in a tent down by the river, which I'm guessing is only marginally above a van down by the river. But convince them I did. If you're reading this and you did not row with me today, there will be a reckoning called 2011. If you're reading this and you DID row today, I'm afraid there will be a reckoning and I have no idea what it is, but I'm sorry and didn't we have a good time and I know you can't move, neither can I and it's really gonna hurt tomorrow, isn't it, and despite wearing bike pants to save my ass today, there is now a 5 inch blister on my ass where there was a 3 inch blister this morning. I'm an ACCOUNTANT. I freaking sit for a living!!!!! FUCK. Muffins.

OK, I feel better now.

Seriously, we raised money for a great charity and 12 of my dear friends & I had a great time and Annnnn and Thomas and Lauren and Harrison and Mom and J9 and Linus came to support us. And 5 of my friends manned the beer tent - if you don't think that's a great idea I didn't see coming, then you really need to think again. AND AND AND we had a great time.

We rowed too well in our first race which placed us in the B division instead of C where we really belonged, so we got blown out in our next two races, but that's OK. We participated in a breast cancer remembrance ceremony which was really cool and reduced me to tears. It was an honor to row Survivors around - very empowering.

So, next year I really do need 25 dear friends to sign up for this: 20 rowers at a time, 1 drummer (preferably someone under 300 pounds who understands the purpose of the task and has just a bit of rhythm), 4 alternates. We had a really good time, though I'm not pleased with the soreness/blister - if we practiced 2x beforehand, I feel we'd have been less sore.

So tomorrow it's major yard construction on a water feature for friends, visiting friends in the hospital who have welcomed baby David today, a viewing for a dear friend's husband who passed away Wednesday morning, and an evening of babysitting our favorite baby, Linus. I can't hardly wait until Monday so I can get some rest.

This post wouldn't be complete without reporting that one thing the Dragon Boat took away from us today was the ability to be with Low Rider in DC for her Dad's funeral. We were with you in spirit and when I tossed my pink carnation in the river today in memory of breast cancer victims, I thought of you and your Dad in addition to BC victims. We love you, Deb, and we miss you here at home. Wish we'd been there for you today.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


A few weeks ago, I read that Helen Hunt was going to play the stage manager in "Our Town" off Broadway. Unfortunately, it was going to be a very short run, so we had very little opportunity to get there and fewer free weekends to do it in.

Last weekend we were supposed to go visit friends in Abingdon who we miss very much. I tried to convince them to go to NYC instead of us going to Abingdon. Turns out they had also double booked the weekend, so I felt very little guilt in heading to NY instead of Ab.

So, Helen was why we went to NY this weekend. We flew up Saturday morning (don't you just love JETBLUE - no other airline measures up). We decided to go all green and take the train in instead of a cab. The train usually takes longer because you have to travel a long way out of the way to get the right train. This time it took a really long time. I'd say normally - 1 hour to get into Manhattan. We had been on the train 1:30 (construction delays, heat & heavy rail traffic) when we saw 46th street. Oh wait, our hotel's on 44th, let's get off. We get to street level to find we're at 46th & Broadway all right. That's in Astoria, Queens not Manhattan.

It's 105 degrees and there are very few cabs in Queens. We start walking to where all the big buildings are in the distance. Glad we packed light. Not light enough. I told Anita that I just wanted to check out the NY marathon course in case we get in next year. The cabs that pass us are full. Uh oh. Finally, a Towne Car stops and asks if we need a taxi. I check to make sure it's actually some sort of car for let before getting in, but once we're on our way, I notice that a sign says that this car can not be hailed from the street, it must be called for. Uh oh. Anyway, I ask the price and it seems very reasonable, especially when we get caught up in bad traffic and take forever to get into Manhattan.

Do you get the feeling this could be a very long story? Are you actually interested enough to read it? why?

Anywho, we get to our hotel, The Millenium, which is amusing in itself, because when we decided on this hotel, Anita & I both had the Westin in our minds. We walk in and luggage and people are everywhere. Uh oh, our room is not going to be ready - standard procedure. The desk clerk very pleasantly asks if 1 bed will be sufficient for us. "Yes, but thanks for asking." We then asked about the gay pride discount we'd seen on the internet last night while printing out the reservation - 15% + tshirts. He said he couldn't change the reservation to that, but how about a free upgrade to the Premier. Now when he said this, we both were thinking "premiere", but no, turns out it's actually a physically separate hotel! It's connected via a hallway and past a theater. We still don't really know if it was an upgrade, but the room was very nice and on a very high floor with a view of Times Square. It's on 44th St, we recommend the hotel.

So we dump our bags and wash up. It's already 2pm and most Saturday matinees start at 2, so we check our show time listing that Anita downloaded from 3 shows start at 2:30. Let's run to TKTS. Great - 50% tix to "La Cage", which we'd wanted to see, but no Kelsey Grammer in this performance. GREAT - he's a conservative republican, so f*** him (don't really know how socially conservative since he worked so closely with David Hyde Pierce for so long), but really not disappointed to miss him.

So we have 10 minutes until show time. Just enough time for a hot dog. Awesome. Still hungry? Still enough time to scarf down another one. For the record, if you decide to do this, please purchase gum or mints prior to entering the show. Sorry to our audience mates.

La Cage was a little dull. I swear they sang every song 3 times and not in a spectacular way. The gay anthem "I Am What I Am" felt more like a lullaby then an anthem. Best Actor Tony Winner Douglas Hodge (sp?) was marvelous, but he could not save this show. Anita & I both found it very draggy.

Since La Cage put us to sleep, we grabbed a healthy snack at a convenience store & went back to the hotel for a catnap before traipsing down to the Village to see Helen.

The theater was very small. I estimate about 300 seats, max. The stage was actually the floor of the theater and the seating was set up all around the stage. We had to walk across the stage to get to our 2nd row seats. SWEET. The seats were elevated (like stadium seating), so our eye level was right at the actor's eye level. I didn't really think anything about that until Helen came out and it felt like she was talking directly to Anita & I! I think she managed to make and hold good eye contact with every audience member at some point during the show. It made our hearts go pitter patter.

As the character of Stage Manager, she introduces all the other characters to the audience. She was introducing the newspaper editor and asked if anyone had any questions. Anyone? No? So she handed a question written on an index card to an audience member and he read it. Any more questions? That's right, she comes right over to us. I swear she was going to hand it to Anita, but recognized the dread fear on her face! So she handed it to me, the ham. I asked my question and tried to hear the answer (mostly I just heard the blood rushing in my ears, my heart pounding and my brain screaming that Helen Hunt just handed me this card). I smiled and nodded like I understood what he had said. She then handed me another card to read. This one had emphasis on it (underlined). Yes, I just made my off-Broadway debut. No, I didn't get a curtain call, dammit.

After that, we tried to pay attention, and we were mostly successful. In the last act, Helen sat down on the step next to Anita for quite awhile and was drinking a bottle of water. I'm pretty sure Anita has no idea how the play ended (just kidding). After the show, we noticed the bottle was still on the step. We didn't want anyone to trip on it, so we picked it up. That's correct. We now have Helen Hunt's DNA and P!nk's DNA. I really need to go back to school to learn what this may mean.

After the show, we learned that Helen will only sign autographs on items left at the box office with a stamped, self-addressed envelope and that she picks them up on Sundays. Yes, we dropped a program & envelope off at the box office on Sunday morning.

After the show, we wandered the Village, had a drink at The Stonewall Inn, site of the start of the gay rights movement back in 1968 via the Stonewall Riots. Then we walked up to Chelsea and found a "gay" restaurant called Vinyl. It had lots of disco balls & was decorated with old album covers. Guess using the words "old" and "album" was redundant. Anyway the food was good and the drinks were cold. Have I mentioned that it was 107 Saturday in NYC. Not sure what the temperature was as we walked around at midnight, but I can tell you we were drenched.

Sunday we got TKTS tickets again. Saw "Promises, Promises" with Sean Hayes & Kristin Chenowith. They were both terrific, especially Sean. He is a good singer and got to talk to the audience in character. Very fun. FYI, contrary to "Newsweek's" review, he was very believable in the role. It was a good & fun show, just a bit draggy in the middle. We both managed to stay awake the whole time ;-)

For the evening performance, we couldn't decide between seeing "Mamma Mia" on Broadway for the first time or seeing "Rock of Ages" for a 2nd time....we flipped a coin and ROA won...but then we decided to see which show had better seats - MM. Hmmm. Went with MM so we could know for sure whether we liked this show or not. We'd seen it in Richmond as part of the Broadway traveling show and it seemed like a middle school performance. Only 2-3 folks could sing. This is a MUSICAL people! Then we saw the movie. The only good thing about the movie was that we went in Tampa at the theater that served alcohol. Helped a lot. Watching Pierce Brosnan sing was akin to watching a train wreck. So, we'd never seen a really good, musical cast and everyone who had seen it on Broadway raved. We saw it. We never have to see it again, so that's a positive. It was OK. But the audio and the voices were just so-so. We couldn't even hear the lead 1/2 the time. Not Broadway standard, but the rest of the audience seemed to love it. I'll take the Broadway cast recording and enjoy that, but I never have to see another production of it.

A lovely meal at "Junior's" afterward where Anita got a little tipsy and giggly. Had to carry her back to the hotel, fortunately it was only 2 blocks and I've been working out.

Shopped on Monday and then flew home. We really enjoyed the weekend.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Funny thing happened on the way to triathlon

I was contemplating Ironman Texas 2011; I admit it. An early season tri would eliminate 90% of the awful summer training in Richmond. It would allow me to continue to play nearly as much golf as I want to in 2010. It would enable me to get the 14 minute monkey off my back and perhaps to even get on with my post-IM life. I thought I might even have company on the race and in training.

Then, I was reminded that my shoulder hurts and that I should see a Dr about it before shelling out $600. Then I was told that I would not have the company I seek on the race. Not in 2011 anyway.

Then I was reminded that we have a family wedding to attend in Florida the following weekend which may make vacation time limited (but who wants to vacation in Houston anyway).

Then I was reminded that I pretty much suck at swimming, biking & running.

Then I was reminded that I pretty much hate same.

But that monkey is still clawing. I received permission to do the race. NO, you don't need to know from whom. But please don't tell my mother I'm considering it. I think she knows, but she's pretending blissful ignorance and that works for us.

I've looked at the race website every day for a week. I've got the phone number for a great Dr for my shoulder and certainty that an appointment would be expedited (oh yeah, did I mention my health insurance currently carries a $6000 deductible I really was planning on not spending)?!

Anita wants me to lose the monkey. She doesn't find it attractive, though she tries to hide that fact. She'd like me to do IM TX 2011.

And then yesterday, we went to support a friend at a tri. I was overcome with a sense of, well, not calm, exactly, but a sense of "whatthefuckwasIthinkingIhatethisfuckingsport", which pretty much is as close as I ever get to calm. I was certain the monkey was gone.

I looked at again today.

Is there a 12 step group for this?

Saturday, July 17, 2010

VBCF Memorial golf tournament

Had the Barbara Edwards memorial golf tournament this morning. Proceeds benefit VBCF, which is a great organization that has done a lot for breast cancer education & advocacy in VA and even nationwide. I've been involved with this organization for about 6 or 7 years now and I am very proud of the work they've been doing.

It was really hot today. I'm hoping it's a lot cooler at the Dragon Boat races in 2 weeks. If it isn't, I'm guessing I'll be rowing that goddamn boat alone.

Sunday, July 11, 2010


We did not win. 2nd place felt pretty icky. And I have no idea how they worked the handicapping system to place us in 2nd, though I'm sure it was fair. Just very odd.

Anyway, now I'm going to branch out into some "other" activities (still lots of golf), but try to get back in shape. Anita & I have been dieting for about 2 months and have lost quite a bit of the weight we wanted to (still have a ways to go, but more exercise will help with that, even if we have to eat a bit more, right)?

Had a "nice" ride in WC today with an unexpected guest star. Feel like I actually learned something about hill climbing, but certainly not all I need to learn. Legs still suck (imagine that) and lungs had a hard time sucking enough. Baby steps, right?

Had our 1st visit to a pool this year and very much enjoyed that and hanging. Can't believe we had to drive to nearly another state, but whatever. Took like an hour to get home, where I ate and then collapsed for hours. So much for fixing the fence today.

Was this the most boring post I've ever written?

Friday, July 9, 2010


This has certainly been the year of golf.

Tomorrow we take on the EWGA (Executive Women's Golf Association) regional championship. If we win, we go to sectionals in DC where the competition is fierce. If we win there, we go to nationals in Wisconsin in October. Why would we want to go to Wisconsin in October? Because Anita wants to "collect" it. Ok, that's as good a reason as any. Let's win!

Thursday, June 24, 2010

It could happen

Anything is possible.

But what is probable?

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Getting My Ass Handed to Me on the Bike. Again.

I must be a masochist. I biked with my new coach again today.

Turns out I have no muscles. At least not in my legs. I'm not sure exactly what's hurting right now, but I thought it would be my leg muscles. Fat doesn't hurt, right? No nerve endings in fat, right? Guess I need to start learning anatomy too.

We stayed in West Creek this time so that Coach could yell at me for more sustained periods without being flattened by a car. I must enjoy the personal attention because I don't think I cursed once. That's a new experience for me on the bike. I did better on the hills and perhaps even better on the flats. My legs are definitely feeling it as were my lungs at the time.

Bet I've just saved all my cursing for tomorrow when I try to get out of bed.

Thanks Coach.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Getting My Ass Handed to Me on the Bike

I have obtained the title of my blog from a liar. LIAR.

You know who you are. You are not slow on the bike. You are not less than graceful (you blew right through the Cap One gates). You enjoyed torturing me.

I am definitely getting the Gattaca surgery. Definitely. But arms and legs I think.

Stupid game.

In unrelated news, if my handicap drops to 18.4 by June 1, I can compete for the USGA amateur championship as long as I don't buy a membership to a private course (not a lot of danger on that last part).

Oh wait, instead of playing golf, a game I'm pretty good at, let's do Mighty Man. It'll be great - we'll drive for like 16 hours and I'll miss the swim time cut off. GREAT. FABULOUS.

I'm not bitter. Really. I'm just disappointed. Damn genes.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

False Alarm

Turns out we didn't get into the NYC marathon. Turns out when you order products on your credit card, they have a tendency to put it on your credit card. Weird. Guess I'll have to keep track of that stuff.

So, new plan. Disney for all of 2011. While at the Cherry Blossom expo, I had a chance to peruse the hardware of all the Disney sponsored races. Screw Ironman, those are some medals. Really, they're just metals, but still.

Can I get a woo hoo?

Just think, with no swim or bike in the event, packing should be very light. Except for maybe the golf clubs.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Stupid, Part 4-9056-222

Either Anita or I got into the NYC marathon. Today I realized this was not a good idea.


Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Loony Tunes

I play Farmville. I'm sorry.

Today I noticed that when my jackalope (fictitious combination of a jackrabbit and antelope common to Wyoming) was ready to "harvest", it didn't say "brush jackalope" any more. It said "collect imaginary milk".

It made my day:

I then realized how pathetic that made my day.

And so, Fuck My Life:

Only my work life, really.